In the Hidden Bubble

Hello! I’m Naomi Langford and in November 2020, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was lucky to be part of the cast of Hidden- a play about self-worth and self-harm by Nina Lemon.  Despite everything going on it was important that the play and its crucial message on mental health was accessible to teenagers. The play was adapted for digital theatre, we all took Covid tests before isolating together in an Air B&B for the two-week rehearsal and filming process.  This is a look back at our journey in producing a play in such unique circumstances.

Monday 16th November 2020

“We’re doing this for real now.”

This is what the negative corona-virus tests seem to be saying to us, as they ping up on our phones one by one.  There is frustration in the social distancing, a need to reach for each other in rehearsal during moments of elation and emotion. But there is a safety in it too, the physical restraint that nudges us to commit just a tiny bit less.  To be safe emotionally and literally. Not so anymore. 
We are packed and ready to go.  There are smiles and hugs and whoops because our packed bags will not be returning with us to the rooms they left this morning.  Because we can hug.  Because we are off to an unknown place to create an important play in extraordinary times. 

Rehearsals have an added energy, emotions flow more freely and the words seem more urgent. We are in the final stages of running through the play, on its feet for the first time.  We are off book (mostly) and have met the first tree which will share the stage with us.  Yes- a living tree.  This is Theodore, an Acacia.  He looks a bit peaky.  The trees are to represent our audience by giving us something living on stage to share the space with.  It is a wonderful and wacky idea from our director Valentina, and it’s true- the trees give us energy in some way.  And Theodore is tended carefully because the health of the performers is of utmost importance.

At 4:30 we pile into the mini-bus to find our new home for the next two weeks.  Luckily Grace is an expert navigator and Valentina handles the ramshackle old van with the grim determination of a ships-captain on stormy seas.  We find our base- a beautiful house with clean white rooms and open spaces and a kitchen island you could live on.  And “is this a boiling water-tap?” and “Look at Janet’s room! It’s huge!”  The shelves are prepared with food provisions (thank you to Nina and Rosie).  It feels a little like that Greek myth where a young woman is wafted on a warm wind to find herself bemused in a stunning house with food prepared and invisible servants who tend to her every need.  Maybe not the servants.  But it is surreal and exciting… then there are lines to learn and bags to be unpacked and rooms to squabble over. People to talk to and hug and get to know better.  Family to call to say “Yes we’re doing it! We’re here!”   

We go to sleep- tentative, excited, ready.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday

I am excited about using the trees like puppets as we move them around the stage on wheels.  The physical work is a wonderful break from the usual focus of these early rehearsals- lines.  It’s always lines, lines, lines, and pace and rhythm and cues and so on.  But having a morning of trees, trees, trees makes us more relaxed and playful. 

The new physical contact, after so long of “two metres apart” is exciting but somehow draining.  It requires us to commit and share energy in a way we’re no longer used to.  I jot down “See if I can order vitamin tablets”- feel I need more energy to get through the day.  This is why ‘giving our energy to something’ in the form of trees, is oddly soothing.  The play is starting to take shape as we look at individual scenes in more detail.  I love watching the others exploring and seeing things come together.  When we get up to focus on a scene it’s amazing how much freedom we are given.  There’s no “right, this will be here, you sit here and then move to here.”  We get up and can stage the scene as we feel is right and then develop it with Valentina.  This makes my brain go “ahhhh” with shock, excitement or fear, usually a mix of all three.  It is refreshing to make our own choices.

I am worrying about my emotional monologue as Chloe’s Mum, the first few rehearsals I go into it with gusto.  Then I can’t sustain the level of emotion for the next run-through 2 minutes later.  I’m thinking “I feel the emotion now! But how about in two weeks! It will all be gone! I’ll feel nothing- it’ll be a nightmare!” I realise there’s no need to go 100% with the emotion all the time and go again and again and again like that- it will die.  There are other things to be found in it.  So much of this process is learning how to maintain energy and not exhaust ourselves…

Valentina teaches us the answer is to have more fun.  (And sleep and eat properly.)

Friday

Run through! First time properly right through the whole thing.  Pleased with it for this stage in rehearsals.  But we get slow and let lines drop sometimes, will improve with more familiarity with lines.  I don’t remember much about this day because, while I try to keep a diary the whole time, today I am too tired. I write ‘Run-through- lots of mistakes but ok.  Pace, Pace, Pace!’ and go to sleep.

Weekend

Time to relax a bit and enjoy spending time together.  We share monologues we are considering using for drama school auditions with the group, do a speed line-run-through of the play to avoid dragging on Monday (pace, pace, pace!), and most of us work on unrelated homework we need to do for next Friday, we all help each other out.  I make a scene plan to try to figure out what on earth is going on with all my entrances and exits to different sides.  In the evenings there is music and dancing and lots of talk and laughter.  Caitlin and Molly make us all a roast dinner on Sunday with vegan options- group is very happy!  And hopefully rested because we have a very, very long and busy week ahead of us.  Plan: Monday to Thursday- rehearse at South Hill Park, Friday- dress rehearsal at Camberley Theatre, Saturday and Sunday- filming, Sunday evening- celebrate, Monday- collapse and go home.  We brace ourselves.  But really, we’re just very excited, and energy levels don’t seem like such a problem anymore, the group is more together.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday

Rehearsals feel productive, satisfying and intense, lots of changes to get used to and new ideas springing up everywhere. I enjoy finding the rhythm to the Thorpe park scene by doing it with our eyes closed and feeling that sense of buzzing excitement. We focus on the panic attack scene- we have the choreography, but now we need to make it not feel choreographed.  There is a lot of work on breathing and letting our rhythm of breath flow from Liam as he performs his monologue and we support with movement.  We can start to envision the piece on film.

Working on Chloe’s Mum’s scene I try holding Chloe’s hat as a physical memory of her.  Molly suggests it could sit in the tree for me to pick it up during the speech. It will now sit in a tree after her death like a looming memory of Chloe, which is brought into the open by her mother. 

We are also working out the logistics of hanging our huge number of costumes on hatstands around the stage without it being too messy and cluttered.  Everything must be in its place or things go very wrong, very quickly when costumes are re-used multiple times.  I am often responsible for helping Molly with her quick changes, sometimes I’m more worried about getting this right than I am about my own scenes and lines.  But we’re determined, and generally the same mistakes aren’t made twice.  Valentina says she notices us playing more and not being so afraid to try things and take risks.  Hooray! That’s what we aim for.

It’s lovely coming home to the ‘Hidden House’ in the evenings.  I realise I should stop working every evening, we can start to really enjoy it now, because we’re confident with lines, we can start to play.

I have the job of painting on the self-harm scar make-up, which is only seen in very brief moments of the play on three characters.  With the proper stage make-up these can look very real and sometimes it feels like a horrible thing to do to someone, even though I’m only using a paintbrush.  It reminds me of the true importance of a play on this topic for young people to see, understand and remove stigma around mental health.  I need to practise the make-up in the evenings and make sure it won’t rub off and gather fluff from costumes.  It becomes a strange, but relaxing little ritual every evening.

Friday

Up at 6 for tech run and dress rehearsal.  We see Camberley Theatre for the first time, the technicians are friendly, our dressing room large, and the stage bigger than we expected.  The trees survive the journey fine, but look a bit shocked and ruffled.  Offloading the van and putting all our familiar stuff in the unfamiliar theatre is like setting up a tent and making ourselves at home in a new landscape.  Our set and costumes are a homely comfort.  The trees look stunning in the black space, and string lights are being hung behind them for the festival scenes.  It looks magical.  In the tech run-through it feels wonderful to be back in a real theatre after so long. 

In the dress rehearsal some scenes feel good, others not so much, but we’re finding our feet here, and take some time to warm into the space.  And the best thing is we feel it when things aren’t working, at least we know, so we can always try to improve.  Raise energy- pace, pace, pace! 

Get back to our Hidden Home absolutely exhausted.

Saturday-

First day of filming, began with pick-ups, close-ups to be inserted into wider shots later.  There are about eight cameras moving around us in the darkness and an empty auditorium, surreal but amazing.  I manage to sneak a peek at the monitor and am filled with a warm glow when I see how wonderful Hayley and Matt’s scene looks, two figures alone in a dark space, with the camera spinning around them.  It’s just how it should be, and this is one of my favourite scenes to watch, so I’m thrilled to see it coming together. 

It becomes apparent that I have made one of the worst costume decisions I could have managed- turtlenecks.  I have a red one for Chloe and a black one for her Mum.  I change in and out of them all the time- always with the horrible feeling that the poor, patient sound technician is cringing in the darkness at the back of the auditorium every time I remove a turtleneck and my microphone loosens to end up dangling under my chin by Scene 4.  This is mainly resolved by slow-motion squirming out of the rollneck’s clutches, and deciding to wear the same top for Chloe and her Mum, reducing need for really fast changes.

I think everyone’s in the same boat at this stage, happy with some scenes, not with others.  Valentina has made us all Risotto for lunch! Thank you! We need the energy!

With the full run-through it has a different flow and many things go better, I think we all feel tired, happy and very lucky to be able to do this.  It pushes us to make the most of it and give our all.  By evening my voice is a little strained so I try my hardest to go on voice-rest.  Everyone still has energy to sing and dance in the evening, we are determined to make the most of these last days.

Sunday

We all wake with a buzzing ‘let’s go’ kind of energy.  Straight into a run. Despite our enthusiasm we were disappointed with it, didn’t feel good and couldn’t quite bring up the energy to the level we needed.  But we have the afternoon- our last chance to do the piece and ourselves justice.  I feel jittery at lunch and have to force myself to eat, lots of wandering corridors backstage and muttering my lines. 

This run passes in a blur, lots of colours and lights, we get swept away in it.  And it went really well.  There can always be improvements, things we wish had gone differently, but this afternoon we’re happy.  There was a new playfulness and real enjoyment in doing the play.  And still new discoveries- my feedback for Chloe’s Mum’s speech had been to make it less intimate and remember the size of the auditorium I was addressing and how important it was to reach each person at the back.

Tentative celebration- “are we really done?”  A couple of extra pick-up shots, and we are! It feels strange- excitement to have done a good job, premature nostalgia never to perform the play we’ve grown to love again, relief, exhaustion, dregs of adrenaline remaining.  Photos, goodbyes, clearing the dressing rooms – “hurry up, we’re the last ones here!”, organising costumes in boxes, hugs, double checking the room’s clean, trees carefully in the mini-bus again, cast in mini-bus, more photos, and we’re off.  Driving home triumphant in the dark.

Last night in the Hidden House.  ‘Hidden House’- which makes it sound like we were tucked away in hiding- in a sense we were.  It was a time where we could hug each other.  This bubble will be broken by tomorrow- back to our normal homes. 

It’s important we pack all our stuff straight away ready to leave on time tomorrow morning.  Of course no-one does this yet and we have a party instead.  Talking late into the night and dancing and sharing music.  We feel close as a group and so lucky to have had this time working on Hidden with an amazing team of cast and creatives.  This was a first in different ways for each of us- performing in digital theatre, working under Covid restrictions, playing four roles in one play, dealing with tough and complex subject matter, living with six friends, having a much more active role and freedom in the direction the performance will take, using trees as puppets… It’s been a wonderful and unique experience.  We hope this play reaches people, we hope it makes a difference.

Click here to find tickets and streaming packs of Hidden